Thursday, December 8, 2016

♫...I handled it just great I'm even kind of disappointed...♫



Here's an update on Monday's post.

This post is going to give you way too much information about my lady parts, so proceed with caution.

I didn't get to put the sponge to use. I mean, I got it in place, but due to a series of unfortunate events, I didn't get to try it out. However, I do have a bit more information on the process. First of all, I ordered a large and a small. I thought the large would be smaller...it's goddamn huge and my lady cave isn't as cavernous as I thought, so I opted for the small last night. I soaked it in cold water for a while because I was informed that cold water would slow my flow. Now, even after soaking up some water and being wrung out, the thing is a still a bit, shall we say, dry as fuck. So, I used some coconut oil, and shoved that thing on up into place. TMI Warning: I don't have a shallow vag so I had to do some finagling to get it up to my cervix. No biggie, I'm in it to win it. Ain't nothing gonna break-a my stride, nobody gonna slow me down, oh no. Except maybe my plans getting cancelled. Major bummer. Alrighty then, time to fish this thing out. From reading the reviews, I was prepared for a struggle...and at first I did have a moment of terror that I wasn't going to be able to grasp it. After propping one leg up on the bathroom counter and doing a kind of squatting maneuver, I am happy to say that I was able to grasp enough of the sponge to remove it. Yay for me. Lets go eat our weight in pasta now.

One additional note, mixing unflavored gelatin with water, and drinking it will slow/stop your period for a few hours. It takes a few hours after you drink it to start working, and is one of the most vile tasting things I have ever had the displeasure of putting in my mouth, but it works. I was experiencing a heavy flow day, and mixed a packet with water at about 5:30pm. It foams up. Like really good bubble bath. Bubble bath probably tastes better. I choked the stuff down, gagging several times, and convinced that I was going to throw it all up. It's best to make sure it's all mixed together VERY WELL, and drink it as quickly as possible. Around 8pm it seemed to be slowing, but not to my satisfaction. So, because I'm a fan of overkill, I mixed up another round. This time I took what was left of my poweraid, and dumped another packet into the bottle. After shaking the ever loving hell out of it, I was left with a foamy pink fruit punch concoction. It did taste better than the plain water mixture. By 9pm the tide of crimson was still flowing, but not to the extent that I thought it would burst through the sponge, and ruin my night. Didn't get to test that theory, but I can tell you that I woke up to my period having completely stopped at 6am. So, use that information however you like. Please don't let my experimentation and suffering have been in vain.

I hope someone somewhere finds this information useful.

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