Well...Thanksgiving is this week.
As a single, vegetarian, liberal living in the Heart of Dixie, all I can really say is FUCK THANKSGIVING. I preferred the last two years when my entire family went to the Smoky Mountains, and I stayed home with the animals. Me sleeping on an air mattress with my dogs, drinking whiskey, and eating veggie sushi was a great way to spend the holiday. I was thankful. Sitting around the table with a bunch of conservative, right-wing nut jobs who don't respect my dietary choices? Not so much.
I love my family. I do. I just don't agree with them on pretty much every moral/ethical/political topic known to man. I'm pretty sure they probably view me as some 'overly' educated, animal loving, tree-hugging, liberal elitist. Don't care. None of that is an insult to me.
I tried to get out of the whole Thanksgiving thing by telling my mother that I'm going out of town. Her response was that the whole reason they stayed in town was because of me. Lies and slander.
So, I guess I'm stuck having Thanksgiving with my teetotaling family. How do I survive? How do I manage to not scream at them for their narrow minded views and comments until they all fall into a food coma?
I've put a lot of thought into this, and have come up with the following.
THE ONLY 10 THINGS THAT WILL ENSURE I SURVIVE THANKSGIVING DAY WITH MY FAMILY
I should just accept the sweet, cold embrace of death right now.
1. Jameson Irish Whiskey: My favorite whiskey.
2. Jack Daniels: My 2nd favorite whiskey
3. Jim Beam: My 3rd favorite whiskey
4. Maker's Mark: My 4th favorite whiskey
5. Crown Royal: My 5th favorite whiskey
6. Grey Goose: My favorite vodka.
7. Peach Ciroc: My 2nd favorite vodka
8. Cathead Honeysuckle: My 3rd favorite vodka
9. Moonshine: the kind that gets you really fucked up.
10. Full frontal lobotomy