Monday, November 21, 2016

♫...Still it's hard to be cruel to you I wish I could...♫

I feel defeated today.
I feel like the entire last year and a half of my life was all a lie...and I am the world's biggest fool. 
I am completely, wretchedly disillusioned. 
I'm given facts and confessions, and they bleed me dry of any hope that I ever meant anything to the one person who has meant the most to me. The person I gave more of myself to than I ever have given to anyone before. 
The person I trusted most looked me directly in the eyes and lied to me. Constantly. 
I can't deny this anymore, not with everything that has now come to light.
How can I believe that any of it was ever real?
How can I sit here and not be weighed down by the fact that I was such a goddamn fool to believe that I was ever loved in return? 
How can I trust anything that was ever said to me?
How can I trust myself after being such a blindly in love idiot for so long?
How can I believe the next person who looks me in the eyes and swears he loves me and that I can trust him?
How can I ever repair all the parts of me that loving him has broken? 

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