Thursday, November 17, 2016

♫...every time I think I find a man I think that could be mine, it’s just another drunk who is good in bed.....♫

   While endlessly scrolling through my Facebook feed in a fit of boredom, I ran across the little photo above. My first reaction was to agree. I can say that I have learned a lot about what love is not from some people who seemingly did not love me...who treated me as if they did not love me. I don't know what would make me sadder: to know that my ex never loved me...or to know that he did love me, and just stopped because someone better came along...or just stopped because of who I am. 

   I loved my ex with my whole being, and I thought that because I loved him so much, I needed to stand by him no matter what. I needed to be strong and understanding and patient. Those are all good qualities to have in any relationship. However, if you're giving too much of yourself to someone, and you're never getting any of that back in return, there's something wrong. I've learned that I can't allow myself to be in a situation where I'm giving everything, and my partner isn't giving anything in return EVER again. I can't try to meet all of someone's needs if they aren't even willing to discuss my needs. My needs are just as important, and if they aren't being met at all...and my partner doesn't care about them...I need to learn to walk away. I've learned that I need to set boundaries, and not tolerate anyone who is going to disrespect those boundaries. I've learned that if someone treats me like I don't matter to them, I need to accept that I really don't matter to them...and I need to remove myself from the situation. I've learned that silence is another way of saying I don't matter, and not an indication that I should just wait for someone to decide I'm worth their time again. 

   Mainly, I've learned that I'm a super awesome, badass, magical fucking unicorn who doesn't have to put up with bullshit from anyone. My happiness comes from ME (okay, and spending time with animals), and not another if someone is going to treat me like I'm anything but a goddamn, magical delight...I don't have to sit around and deal with their fuckery. I'm not going to fall into a dark well of sorrow or beg them to talk to me. Fuck that. I deserve better...and I'll give my attention to someone or something else. Cry over someone who doesn't want to talk to me anymore? No thanks, I have plenty of other people who would love my attention. Sit and wonder what's wrong with me because some guy has ghosted me? Sorry, can't. Too busy writing this damn novel. Continue to be sad because the man I thought was my best friend and my forever left me for someone he said was better? *Yawn* Boring. I'd rather find someone fun to flirt with. I'm worth a lot more than how I've allowed others to treat me in the past. I know that now, and I'll never allow myself to accept less ever again.


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