Sunday, October 30, 2016

♫...You will not rip this heart of mine in two.....♫

It's hard to stop loving someone, to stop worrying about them.
Even after they've completely obliterated your heart, your spirit, and your trust.
At least it is for me...in this instance...with this man.
I've mostly healed. It's more of a dull ache when I'm vulnerable, and allow my mind to drift to our past...or the hurtful, paralyzingly painful things that were said and done.
That worry is always there though. Like a slight tickle under the skin, in a place just out of reach. Sometimes I can ignore it for a while, and then sometimes circumstances cause it to be all I can think about.
I can't help anymore. I can't even reach out to see how bad it is.

What's more painful is finally admitting to yourself that the person you loved more than anyone or anything did not feel the same way about you.
It's more hurtful, more soul draining than hearing:
I met someone else
We're just at different places
She can give me what I lost.
She is my one shot at happiness.

...and I thought those words would kill me. Sometimes, like tonight, I wish they had.
I just want someone to hold me, to tell me that I'm beautiful and desirable, to not make any demands on my heart, and just make me forget about you.
Even for just a few moments.

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