Friday, October 7, 2016

♫...I was made of broken parts sewn together with a broken heart...♫

I'm overly cautious.
I often don't do things that I want to do, and then kick myself for not jumping at the chance while I could.
It's a side effect of having your trust destroyed by the one person you trusted most in the world.
I don't trust myself. I don't trust anything good that presents itself to me. I hesitate. I freak out. I'm scared....of more hurt, of rejection, of being a vast disappointment, of everything that could go wrong.
So, I'm often left letting things I really want to experience pass me by.
And it all stems from being lied to, cheated on, and brutally tossed aside for someone I was told was 'better'.
I'm sick of this. I'm so sick of being afraid, of finding it hard to trust myself or anyone else (on any level), of hesitating to do the things I want because I'm afraid that there's something wrong with me that makes people disappointed when they actually get to know me...

I don't want to be overly cautious anymore, or shy. I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it...with no regrets. If I end up being a disappointment to others...so be it. I'll learn to live with it. I'm tired of hesitating out of fear.


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