Tuesday, September 6, 2016

♫...Stay now, autumn walker...♫

10 Reasons I Can't Wait For Fall
Autumn is the best season there is and I don't even drink Pumpkin Spice Lattes,
no, I like my coffee black like my soul.

1. I fucking hate Summer: I hate the weather, I hate the clothes, I hate the bugs, I hate the fucking name. I hate every goddamn thing you can think of about Summer. After graduating from high school, there was absolutely nothing worth looking forward to about this time of year. I can already hear you, "But...but...what about vacaaaaaaaation time?" Um, let me clue you in on what it's like to be a childless female in the workforce. You wanna take vacation time in the summer? You're fuck out of luck because the people with kids have already eaten up the entire summer with vacation requests. If they haven't, and you manage to get some time, you will more than likely have the stragglers beg you to switch with them because they have a family, and you don't, and you can go on vacation any time, you're not bound by the school year. Whatever, it's not my fault you decided to spawn. 

2. Clothes: Boots. Scarves. Leggings/Tights. T-shirts/Cute top. Awesome jackets. That's my fall wardrobe. Since I've worn the heels off of my old boots, I decided that it was time to bite the bullet and buy a new pair. The perfect pair presented themselves, ON SALE, and they make me feel like a badass superhero (or villain, depending on the day). What excites me even more, is that I was also able to score a cute little jacket that has corset lacing up the back and sleeves...and it'll look amazing with my boots. The fall is probably the only time of the year that I look 100% put together all the time. 

3. Smells: Fall smells like heaven. If you disagree, you're wrong. Yeah, there's pumpkin spice everything to the point that it's beyond ridiculous, but even that smells nice. Winter smells overly of pine and cinnamon. Spring smells like pollen. Summer smells like body odor. Fall is the smell of bonfires, hot cocoa, and warm spices.

4. Color: Everything is dying, but it's goddamn beautiful. The trees are magnificent as their leaves change color, turning everything into beautiful reds, yellows, oranges, and golds. It's enough beauty to make even the hardest heart stop and appreciate the wonder of nature. 

5. Feeling: As Stephen King put it, "But when fall comes, kicking summer out on its treacherous ass as it always does one day sometime after the midpoint of September, it stays awhile like an old friend that you have missed. It settles in the way an old friend will settle into your favorite chair and take out his pipe and light it and then fill the afternoon with stories of places he has been and things he has done since last he saw you". It feels like an old friend whose absence you've missed greatly, and you know you only have a limited time to enjoy their presence. I also experience a bit of melancholy like nostalgia in the fall. Not for any one certain thing, just a general longing.

6. Beach Trip: I'm going to the beach for the 1st time since 1998. I have a free condo where I have my own private bedroom and bath. If I had a boyfriend he'd get to go for free, but since I don't, I'll be enjoying sleeping across that great big bed alone. I digress, this goes under reasons I can't wait for fall because it's happening in 16 days, and therefore (since it's September) there will be less kids and family types running around. Which means I won't feel as bad if I'm not on my best behavior. All I'm saying is that my suitcase will be entirely swimsuits and booze.

7. Football:...mainly because I can shop in peace whenever there's an Alabama or Auburn game on. I enjoyed watching with my ex, therefore, I don't enjoy it anymore. Well, I do enjoy getting together with a large group of friends and watching...especially if it includes food and drinks. It's a lot of fun to watch them watch the game after a few dozen drinks...as I stuff my face with excellent vegetarian friendly confort foods...cuz I have a lot of veggie/vegan friends in my group now. 

8. Bugs:..they die. Hopefully. It's always a toss up here in Satan's Asscrack. If it actually gets cold, the bloodsucking mosquitoes and flying cockroaches from hell MIGHT die for a month or two...but don't hold out too much hope. It's more an excitement for the possibility of being able to go outside without being sucked dry and left itchy. 

9. Food and Beverages: Damn y'all, fall is the hardest time for me to stick to my diet. You've got caramel covered everything. Pumpkin spiced whatever-the-hell-you-could-possibly-want-it-on. Butternut Squash. Dressing (most of you say turkey and dressing, but I'm a vegetarian, so just dressing). Cider. Halloween candy. I have to stop, I'm making myself hungry. 

10. HALLOWEEN: Best goddamn day of the year. I like it when I have numerous Halloween activities spread out all over the month of October, and I get to wear a different costume to each one. So far this year I have the Pink Box Burlesque Little Bo Peep Show Fairytale Masquerade Ball for which I will be some sort of fairy tale creature with pink hair. Then I have Scare Your Face Off Fest. I was only able to attended for a few minutes last year, as I left to ride in the ambulance taking my boyfriend (now ex) to the hospital. This year I will be Harley Quinn. I know there will be waaaaaaaaaay too many Harley Quinns this year, but I've wanted to dress up as her (in some form or fashion) since she appeared on Batman the animated series, and this is the first time I have been able to. Halloween is the best holiday ever. If you don't enjoy it, there's something wrong with you and you need to get the hell out of my personal space. 

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