Friday, September 9, 2016

♫...Does it scare you boy that we don't need you?...♫



I want to talk a little more coherently about the post I haphazardly threw together last night while tipsy and upset.

First, the entire backstory.
Back in February (I mistakenly said March in my responses, but it was the end of February) my boyfriend (at the time, now ex) was in the hospital. I had taken him to the ER where we sat for hours...then he was admitted to a part of the hospital where there were strict, short visiting hours. In previous hospital visits I had been able to stay in the room with him as much as I wanted...so I was beside myself over him not only being sick, but also not being able to be with him. Because of this, I was sleeping in my car in the parking deck between visiting hours, and when I was able to visit he was not coherent most of the time due to pain medication. That first full day was also when I heard the news that I least wanted to hear (but suspected) about his health. So, here is the man I loved with all of my heart and soul, in the hospital, with a serious problem, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I'm crazy with worry, I haven't slept much, and I have to go back to work for a while. I left the hospital after the first visiting hours ended (it was something crazy, like 5am-6am) so tired that I sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green. That's when I knew that I was going to need some extra help...in the form of coffee. Seeing as how I also needed gas, I stopped at the Shell station near where I worked at the time.
Now, what you need to know about me is that I am a woman who was raised in the South, and grew up in a culture that encouraged us to be pleasant, polite and pleasing. Meaning, I feel the need to be nice no matter what, and I don't know how to handle awkward social situations in which I feel uncomfortable. I've had massive amounts of practice overcoming this in the last 3 months, but this was 6 months ago. I also lean heavily toward being courteous to employees in establishments I frequent. Example, the ladies who work in the Shell station by my house. I love the hell out of them. I talk to them to the point that we know facts about each others lives. They helped me with my corset last Halloween.
I had never been to this particular Shell station that early in the morning before, so I had never encountered this guy before. Now, I was visibly upset (red face, puffy eyes, no makeup whatsoever), and you could tell that I was exhausted. I got my coffee and a few snacks, and this guy was talking at me the entire time. I explained that the love of my life was in the hospital and I was exhausted. Still he kept talking, and I tried to be polite. We spoke about pit bulls, which I love, and we both supported this local pit bull rescue. The thing is, he wouldn't complete my transaction while he talked. Then he wanted to add me on Facebook...and in order to get the hell out of there I let him send me a request...thinking I would just delete him later. Now, once I looked at his profile I saw that he was married, and immediately thought that he was way too flirty for a married man. Whatever, I had made it clear that I was in love with someone else, and entirely happy. With all the stress surrounding my (then) love being in the hospital and the clusterfuck of events that happened afterwards, I completely forgot about this guy and deleting him.

Last night:
Well, last night I made a joke about using this silly photo as my online dating picture. This guy, whom I had a 10/20 minute conversation with SIX MONTHS AGO suddenly decides to let loose with the delusions I uploaded to the previous post.
He claims that I told him that I was married. Lie. I never said that I was married. I said that I was in a very committed relationship
He said that I have him a sob story. Lie, he asked me why I looked so upset and I simply said that my boyfriend was in the hospital and I was worried about him.
He claims that I'm a liar. Lie, I'm brutally honest.
He claims I'm fake. Lie, the only thing fake about me is my hair color.
He then went on to say that he hopes that I never find happiness because I'm such a liar. Okay. Let's take a moment and think about this...1. We had a short conversation 6 months ago, and haven't spoken since. I forgot he even existed. He knows nothing about me. When I added him on facebook, I added him to a list that keeps him from seeing a majority of the things that I post. 2. Dude is married. Why the hell is he getting so bent out of shape? I never flirted with him...at all. He's the kind of guy I would never in a million years flirt with or date even if he wasn't married...but dude IS married. His profile photo is them together. WTF? Even if I had told him that I was married (because let's face it, when a creepy guy is flirting with you sometimes it's the only way to get them to lay off - if you're lucky - without it getting ugly. That did not happen in this instance) he shouldn't have felt the need to be so blatantly antagonistic and mean...because he's married, and it shouldn't have mattered if I was single or not to him! 3. Anyone with half a brain who follows me on Facebook or any other social media site knows I got dumped at the end of May.

The scary thing is, this happens a lot...to the majority of women (maybe men too, but I'm writing this from a woman's perspective/experience). There are too many men out there who have such an overblown sense of entitlement to a women, their time, their attention, even their bodies. People like this guy think that women exist solely for their benefit, and just by virtue of being a man he should be given free open access to whatever woman he 'blesses' with his attention. This kind of misogyny is so normalized that when a woman experiences any kind of unwanted attention from a man she's bludgeoned with responses like 'What were you wearing', 'You shouldn't have been there alone' or the one that I've heard this morning, 'You do post a lot of sexy pictures of yourself'. None of this goddamn matters...none of this gives anyone permission to harass me. None of this makes anyone entitled to my time or attention or conversation. None of this makes it okay for this man to say the things he did for all my friends and family to see. This is the reason that I'm terrified to go out anywhere alone. This is the reason that I'm too scared to date anyone that I don't know/who isn't friends with my close friends. The overwhelming sense of entitlement that SOME men have is what gets women killed. Let me be perfectly clear here, you (no matter the gender you identify with) are not entitled to anyone else's time, attention, or conversation. No one is obligated to talk to you, explain their life/actions to you, return your flirtations. I owe you nothing.

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