Wednesday, August 17, 2016

♫...Oh no..I am starting to believe the advertisements...♫

I've lost 120lbs over the last few years. It's been a constant struggle between my self-discipline, and the fact that I goddamn love me some good food. I was an emotional eater though, eating more more than I should in order to fill a gaping void in my life. My weight got to the point where I was struggling to breathe and walk.
The other day a friend, who I hadn't seen in years, pointed out to me that I look like a completely different person. The truth of the matter is, I don't see it most of the time. There are days when I still feel like I'm my 220lb self, struggling to walk through Walmart, and too self-conscious to go to events around town. I will find out that someone is interested in dating me, and my first thought is 'why?'. The mental part has been harder than the physical aspect of losing weight. It's a daily thing, teaching myself to not think negatively about my body. My self-worth isn't tied to my weight anymore. That is something I've learned throughout this weight loss experience, but it's still very easy to slip back into that way of thinking when I'm not careful. Yes, I've lost most of the weight I wanted to lose, but I still have a belly pooch that's covered in stretchmarks...and I've had to teach myself that that's okay. It doesn't make me any less worthy of love and happiness. The thought that I have to have a flat, toned, unmarked stomach in order to be beautiful is something that I've struggled with most of my life...and I still do. There are so many women in my life who I think are beautiful, magical creatures, and they don't have flat, magazine perfect stomachs. So, why do I still think that I can't be beautiful without one? It's ridiculous. I'm beautiful just the way I am, and I should be proud of what I've accomplished. If someone doesn't think I'm desirable because I have a belly pooch, stretchmarks, etc...well, they don't deserve the pleasure of being naked with me. From now on, I will not be ashamed of my body, I will celebrate it, and I will act like the beautiful badass that I am. The most important thing I've learned is that it's not the number on the scale, or the size dress your wear that makes you's how you see yourself, your confidence, and your kindness to yourself and others.
I'm still gonna post my transformation pics though.

Me at my heaviest
I started dieting and exercising in 2011.
2014 was when I started seeing a big change
Me now.
Belly pooch and stretchmarks not pictured

Facial changes
Me now. 


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