It is beyond reason.
You can't explain it.
Person: Hey, so WHY THE GREAT HOLY FUCKING OZ are you in love with so-and-so?
Me: Fuck if I know. I just am...and you can fuck right off if you have a problem with it.I've been 'relationship counseling' a multitude of people lately, and it's clear to me that no relationship is easy. What looks like a clusterfuck of a relationship to everyone on the outside, is a special haven to those in it. They are willing to do what it takes to be together...because the thought of being without each other is too goddamn much to bear. Now, this goes without saying, but I'll say it: This does not apply to abusive relationships. There's no working that shit out. Trust me, I've been there.
Sometimes you just love someone beyond all reason. You're willing to take chances with them that you never would have with anyone else in the past. You find yourself telling everyone in your life that this is what you want, and they can either fall in line or fuck off. Every instinct you have is on fire with the need to fight for it, and not let go.
The motherfucking problem is when you're the only one fighting for it. If you are the only one of the two who is standing firm saying, "Fuck everything else. I'm going to fight for this, and do whatever it takes to make it work" you eventually start to feel like a goddamn idiot. I have no problem (when asked) spilling my guts, and being completely honest about how I feel. If I want something, I'm going to be all in. Fuck pride. Fuck what anyone else thinks. Fuck whatever is standing in the way. Unfortunately, not everyone is as militant in their feelings as I am. They're not going to want to be straight forward about how they truly feel, or they are not going to have the guts to do what needs to be done.
I want what I want, and I don't care what anyone else thinks. However, I'm not going to wait around forever. In the past I've been all 'Pick me. Choose me. Love me.", and been willing to wait for the other person to realize I'm worth fighting for. That's not how it is these days. I'm not going to beg ever again. Hell, I'm probably not going to say any goddamn thing at all unless blatantly asked. I'll live my life, and eventually someone else will see what a goddamn delight I am. There's no way in hell I'm going to wait forever when someone is not all in. Don't meely mouth around, and offer 'I want to, but...' nonsense. You either do want something, and you're willing to step out of your comfort zone for a minute in order to get it...or you goddamn don't, and you should stop being a fucker.
Goddamn! Life is too fucking short for this nonsense.