Friday, July 29, 2016

♫...I really want to be the prettiest wreck you've seen...♫

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I feel like I legitimately almost died last night.
As soon as I got home I took a long, hot bubble bath. I've had a bit of a sinus issue, and have been on a mega dose of antibiotics...along with my usual mix of caffeine, supplements, and whiskey. When I stood to get out of the tub my vision sort of blurred, and I saw little pin points of light (aka 'stars'). At first, I thought that I just got up too fast, and that coupled with the fact that there is so much crap in my ears from this cold made me momentarily light headed. Then I started getting shaky. Like, driving down the pothole filled roads of Alabama in a car that has bad shocks (or whatever, I don't know car speak) shaky. Again, I wrote it off as 'It's been about 5 hours since I ate, maybe I just need to eat something'. From the time it took to walk from the bathroom (yes, I put clothes on first) to the kitchen the light headedness returned full force, and I felt like I was going to vomit all over the place. Exorcist style. My mom was at the sink, and I said 'Hey, I feel like I'm about to pass out'. No response. I grabbed a bagel and stumbled to the living room to lay down on the couch with the dogs. I nibbled on my bread, and our 2 beagles seemed really concerned. Concerned enough to plop their 50 pound selves across my chest and legs. The bagel helped the nausea, but not the dizziness. I stumbled back into the kitchen, "Mom, I feel like I'm dying" response. I stomp out of the kitchen mumbling, "The concern in this house is overwhelming!". So, I went to bed at 7pm, not sure if I would wake up today.

Lucky for all y'all...I did wake up. In fact, I woke up with a renewed drive to do whatever the hell I want, no matter what people think, with an absolutely savage vengeance. Everyone is telling me to 'move on', but quite honestly, I don't have my heart back yet. That's okay. I gave it away completely, and it's only been two months. It's okay that I don't have it back, and that I don't want anyone else. I'm not going to let anyone give me grief about that...or guilt me into dating anyone/them. I'll do me, and whatever that's my business. You do you.


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