Sunday, July 24, 2016

♫...Cause people are sounding like white noise these days...♫

  A year ago tonight I drove someone I loved to the emergency room for the first time. That night, and the following week in the hospital, I felt the most worried, terrified, and helpless that I ever had up to that point. Watching this person, who I cared so much about, suffer and not be able to do anything about it was a nightmare. I realized two things that week: 1. I was in love. I kind of already knew I was, but I didn't realize how deeply, and how committed to it I was until then. 2. There was a deeper problem going on than I had realized.

  Over the course of the next year, I experienced two more trips of this nature, and now...a year later...I can finally see what it has taught me. No matter how much love you pour into another person, no matter how hard you try to take care of them, nothing you can possibly do is going to heal them.

  I can take this lesson and apply it to my own pain. It would be so easy to try to use another person to ease this ache in my take someone's affection and attention, and use it to make me temporarily forget all the damage inside of me. That's not going to work in the long run, and will only add to the damage in the end. Only I can make me better, and only when I'm ready. If I'm ever ready, it is completely up to me.


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