Tuesday, July 26, 2016

♫...Alice doesn't live here anymore...♫

  I'm really fucking pissed off this morning. Like, explosively ragey to the point of wanting to do physical violence. So, in an effort to stem the tides of destruction hellbent on engulfing the source of my anger...I need to be a bit ridiculous.

The Many Ways In Which I am, In Fact, Alice.
You Wanna See My Bandersnatch?

**Edit: Apparently Disney's Alice in Wonderland was released 65 years ago today! Complete coincidence that I chose it as my topic! **

1. Eat Me. Drink Me: I really do just randomly eat and drink everything I see with the desperate hope that it will magically solve all of my problems. Especially whiskey. Lots of whiskey...and Chinese food. 

2. Curiouser and Curiouser: My curiosity will be the death of me, I'm sure. While there are things that I really couldn't give two fucks about (no matter how appealing you try to make it sound), there are certain things that will always get the better of me curiosity wise. My mother asked me the other day, "WHY IN GOD'S NAME WOULD YOU DO THAT?" in reference to something she caught me doing...and I answered honestly, "I was curious".

3. I Give Myself Very Good Advice: People come to me for advice...I have no fucking idea why. I'm two heaping handfuls of crazy with a side of temporarily bitter, but I do often give myself great advice. I make a plan. I map out what I need to do to achieve what I want. However, I seldom follow through. I can tell myself over and over, 'Okay, if this happens...you'd better fucking do THIS'...and what do I do? Not THIS.

4. The Mad Hatter: I have my own Mad Hatter...and that's all I have to say about that.

5. I Can't Find My Way: I get lost all the goddamn time. I've lived in this town my entire life, and I still have to Google Maps my way around 80% of the damn time. Even with GPS I'll still turn too soon or too late, and end up two states away...probably at a Waffle House, eating hash browns hoping they'll magically lead me back home. 

6. Flowers Can't Talk: I talk to flowers...and animals...and inanimate objects. Fuck your opinions, I don't care. There are days when I'd rather sit and talk to my chickens than any goddamn person on this miserable hellhole of a planet. 

7. A World Of My Own: I live inside my head most of the time. I typically look like I'm gazing off into space, completely devoid of thought, but I'm actually making up stories. The world is what I make it here, and only the very very lucky are invited in. There's a lot of nonsense, and a few monsters. Gratuitous amounts of graphic sex mainly.

8. Mad Tea Party: I will dress up in costumes, eat cake, and drink whiskey out of teacups at the drop of a damn hat. I don't give a fuck. 

9. Can You Stand On Your Head?: I have a crazy ass cat who is bonkers as fuck. The little weirdo smiles at me too. We've been together for 10 years, so we've accepted the fact that we're both mad as a box of frogs, and we have little choice except to take care of each other...because no one else can handle us. 

10. No Use Going Back To Yesterday:...because I was a different person then. 


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