Thursday, June 23, 2016

♫...Embrace the solitude in ordinary fucked up state of grace...♫

I think the worst thing about this breakup is how much I miss the conversations. When they were coherent, we had the most amazing conversations about music, politics, history, movies, everything. We were, as everyone said, two peas in a pod. He was my best friend, and I could talk to him about absolutely anything. I think that's what I miss the most, that seemingly close comradery where a simple look could speak volumes. We knew what the other was thinking...or at least that's what I thought. Not a day goes by where I don't see something that would spark an excited and animated conversation between the two of us. It's a painful reminder that I didn't just lose a boyfriend, a lover, I lost the person in the world I felt closest to...the person I was 100% open and myself with. I lost my best friend. That's why forgetting is so goddamn hard...because there's a gaping goddamn hole where he used to be.

Yes, I have other friends. I have a huge, amazing group of very supportive friends. They get me, they love me, that put up with my current idiocy. There's just not one person who encapsulates everything that I had with him. Maybe I'm still blind to a lot of things that went on in our relationship, but I don't think the friendship we shared is one of them. I just hope I can move on, and not let this situation keep me from having that kind of friendship with someone else I'm involved with in the future.

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