Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Can You Feel My Love Buzz?



10 Things I Had to Learn the Hard Way
or
I'm Pretty Sure My Fairy Godmother Has Been On A Bender For 35 Years



1. All You Need is {Self} Love: Fall madly in love with you...every single part of you...even your so-called flaws. When I learned to love myself (it's still a work in progress), I stopped needing others to love me. For a long time, I was willing to accept being treated badly in exchange for scraps of attention/affection from people who did not value me. Learning to love myself has shown me that I deserve better. I used to wonder how in the world anyone could ever love me. Now that I love myself, I see that I have so much to offer...& I'm unwilling to settle for scraps anymore. I also love myself enough to walk away from situations that are less than what I deserve. 
My body doesn't look like a Victoria's Secret model's, but I think it's beautiful despite the war I've waged on it for so long. A person can either appreciate that I'm willing to share it with them, or they can not be allowed access to it. I'm not going to agonize over whether or not they are put off by my stretch marks. I'm going to choose to enjoy the moment, & take the fact that they are touching me as a sign that they couldn't care less about my tiny belly pooch.
A good thing to remember: Don't let someone who doesn't know your value determine your worth. Know your own worth, & love the hell out of yourself.

2. I Don't Care If You Don't Like Me:...cuz I love me. Not everyone is going to like you, or be happy for you if you make positive changes in your life. And that's okay. Some people like whiskey straight, and some people prefer cocktails made mainly of sugar. You don't have to keep everyone in your life, & you're not here to make everyone happy/like you. 

3. Let It Go: Elsa's theme song may be overplayed to the point of insanity, but the message is a good one. Let go of whatever is holding you back: fear, anger, a job you hate, past relationships...toss that baggage off a cliff, and move the sweet lovin' hell on. 
This was hard for me. I was holding on to someone who broke my heart...wallowing in the hurt and sadness...agonizing over why I wasn't 'good enough'. Constantly. The day I let it all go, quit making him a priority in my head/heart, and concentrated instead on my own happiness...it was the best goddamn day of my life. If my thoughts wander back to him, I wish him happiness, and I move the fuck on to something else. 

4. I Don't Even Chase My Liquor: I'm damn sure not going to chase someone who doesn't know if they want to be with me. If there are more struggles than snuggles...if they constantly leave you wondering about your place in their life...if they make you feel bad about yourself...if you find yourself acting completely opposite of how you are (for me that moment was telling someone I hated him)...if they are constantly playing games...move the fuck on. 
If someone is really interested in you, you BOTH will be making an effort to stay connected. If someone is more interested in the chase/games/getting in your pants after you've made it clear you have feelings...this person is most likely not operating in the realm of adulthood...& you don't need that. 

5. Patience, grasshopper: I seriously have zero patience. I want what I want, & I want it now. Instant gratification is my favorite. However, I've been telling myself "You can't rush something you want to last forever", and concentrating on the moment I'm in. I try to appreciate what I have, while working towards what I want...instead of getting frustrated, wondering why it hasn't happened yet.

6. Leave People Better Than You Found Them: Be.fucking.kind. I try my damnedest to smile at/compliment everyone I have contact with. Granted, this isn't always easy. I encounter people I'm not overly fond of often, but I still smile/hold the door for them. The world has enough misery in it, & I'll be a tiny ray of fucking sunshine if I want. Also, it was really nice to hear someone I see a few times a week in passing, tell a stranger that I am always so nice, & that I have the sweetest smile. 

7. I'm Just A Girl Who Can't Say No:...but I'm learning. Once upon a time I couldn't say no to people. At all. As you can imagine, certain individuals took advantage of this constantly. I've spent many years doing things I really didn't want to in order to make other people happy. Fuck that. No means no, & maybe means I'm seriously thinking about it. Now, if it means a lot to someone I care about, of course I'll still do it. 

8. Looking Out For #1: Self care is not selfish. I'd describe myself as an introvert and an empath...& sometimes being around other people/dealing with their emotions takes a lot out of me. I need time to myself to recharge my batteries...& not deal with anyone's emotions except my own. This can sometimes mean a total retreat from the outside world (it's rare, but happened just recently). I won't apologize for this anymore. My healing takes priority. For example, one day someone was bombarding me with overly negative thinking/comments. I mentioned it to my mother, telling her that I really hated to ignore this person, but they were really 'harshin' my vibes'. She flat out said, don't feel bad about self-care. Which sort of leads into...

9. Come On Get Happy: Only you can make you happy. You absolutely can NOT place your happiness in the hands of someone else. You are responsible for your happiness...not your significant other, not your family, not your horde of furbabies. You. If you think that someone is going to come into your life and suddenly you are going to be happy...you are putting the key to that happiness firmly in someone else's hands...& you are going to be extremely disappointed. Nothing and no one in this world is going to bring you lifelong happiness, you have to learn to be happy with yourself. This is not to say that others won't bring additional happiness, or that you won't experience sadness. You just shouldn't expect other people to provide you with all of your happiness. 
I've done this way too much in the past...& when those people have walked out of my life, they took all my joy and happiness with them. Now that I look to myself for happiness...I enjoy being with someone else, but I don't stress about them leaving me and talking away my 'reason to live'. I honestly think it helps me to fully appreciate their presence in my life more. Yes, they may leave, & yes, it will probably hurt. All I can do is enjoy my time with them, wish them happiness when they go, & appreciate the time we had together. 

10. The Power of Positive Thinking: You have no idea how it pains me to say that my mother is right about this, but she is. I joke about having developed a kumbaya-hippie-zen-universal-love-vibe mentality, but to an extent it's true. Now, I'm not saying I'm Mary-Freaking-Sunshine 24/7, and things never get me down. Contrary to popular belief, I am mostly human. However, I have noticed a remarkable difference in how I approach life, and deal with the bumps, since making an effort to reduce my negative thinking. I try to focus more on what I'm thankful for, and that gratitude does seem to help me maintain a more positive mindset. Life has been happier, & normal little annoyances bother me a lot less.

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