Tuesday, January 28, 2014

♫...It was you that we were thinking of as we quietly died in the snow...♫

We were not supposed to get any snow.
All the snow was supposed to be south of the Birmingham Metro area.
No. Snow. No. Ice
No goddamn mother fucking snow or ice!!!

Let's back up a moment, let me throw in a few personal details. Sunday night I had my heart shattered, thus leading to a headache brought on by my pathetic sobbing, and the inability to sleep. I eventually took my 5-htp because it helps me sleep, and some Mucinex. Not a good idea apparently. The interaction between those 2 are three buses, a long walk, eight quid and a taxi from good. Felt like crap, puked my guts up, and probably almost had a stroke. Blood pressure was 157/98 at one point. So, I called in sick to work Monday. A broken heart and being violently sick are pretty fucking good reasons to call in. 

Today (Tuesday) I come to work, feeling gutted and broken, and with my chest still hurting. I didn't  want to be around anyone. I stuck my earbuds in, turned my music up loud, and got to work. Around 10:30am my partner comes to my cube and informs me that almost everyone is leaving because the snow is coming down hard, accumulating fast, & the roads were getting icy. 


Fuckitty Fuck Fuck Fuck. 
I have two options when leaving work...neither are great options for ice and snow. One would have been Mr. Toad's Wild Fucking Ride of Death Off A Cliff Onto Some Rich Person's Mansion...the other would be Double Oak 'My Fucking Smart Car Will Slide Backwards Down This Mother Fucking' Mountain. I chose option 2. Surprise, surprise couldn't go that way because of a multitude of wrecks...and couldn't go the other way because, guess what?!?, multitude of wrecks. Both ways down the only way out of town were blocked.

I decided to stay going towards Double Oak Mountain, hoping it would clear soon...Until I almost died. First, there was an absolute cunt driving a maroon minivan who was on the bumper of my Smart Car the entire time. I wish a scorching case of herpes on her. While inching along near a steep drop off, my car starts sliding to the right...right off the drop off.  I managed to stop, but my car spun around so that the rear of my little car was almost hanging off the drop off. It was stuck...I was spinning my tires just to keep from falling backwards off this huge fucking drop off. What does the disease infested bitch behind me do? She goes around me. I hope she has the itchiest vagina in the history of the world from this day forward. I'm stuck like this for 20 minutes...perilously close to falling to my doom. Finally, 2 guys get out of a van and walk toward me. 
One is like 'you shouldn't have tried to turn around' *stupid redneck laughter*
I gritted my teeth, in need of help, and politely said, 'I wasn't. I started sliding and ended up this way. Can you give me a push?'
'We can TRY!'
Me thinking, 'It's a goddamn Smart Car!'
Sure enough, one good one-handed push and I was no longer hanging over the ledge of death.

Fuck this...I was heading back to work...preferably to the Irish Pub beside the office. 

New plan. Head to the pub, have a pint, wait for this to all blow over (aka my dad in his truck with 4 Wheel Drive and chains on the tires). It took me another hour to get back to the parking lot at work. 

Recap, I left work at 10:30am, I got back at 12:50pm.

I walked through the powdery 4 inches of snow blanketing the quaint, affluent town I work in...towards a calzone and beer. I enjoyed the food, the alcohol, and the company...all the while thinking my parents were going to rescue me.

It's 7pm. My father left work at 10:30am and JUST NOW made it to my mother. I live an hour and a half away from work on a GOOD day. Not to mention the fact that some people who live out my way and left the same time I did are STILL only a few miles from work...stuck in their cars. It's night...the windchill is at or less than zero...it's 19 degrees out. All the hotels are full. At this point, I'm not sure they could even get to me. I told them just to go home...to make their way home and leave me here.

I'm sitting in my cubicle, drinking a Good People Pale Ale, looking at a night of sleeping at my desk...in my clothes...taking a whore's bath in the morning..& spending all day here tomorrow. 

I just took my birth control with my beer.
I want my mom.
I want my cat.
I want my uncomfortable bed.
I want to be somewhere where I can cry out my broken heart until I fall into dreamless sleep...with Aslan purring against the back of my legs.

Instead, I'm drunk...in this fluorescent lighted hell...hiding in my cubicle, trying not to think about the boy...happy to be alive...ecstatic that I'm not stuck in the side of the road, or on one of the various highways I have to traverse everyday. I'm warm and sheltered, & that...plus my mom making it safely home, will be enough.


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