It's okay...I used to be.
I was all those things, a hardcore theater performer, and more...with a dash of obnoxiousness, I'm sure.
Then I got involved with a very controlling man with massive anger issues. The relationship became abusive, and over the course of a few years that girl completely disappeared. What was left was a person afraid of their own shadow.
Fast forward to now. I'm not as bad as I was, but I still have trouble letting men in my life at all...and social anxiety that sometimes borders on crippling. I will not go out alone (by 'out', I mean bars/events/etc, which is also a smart move for women anyway...unfortunately), being in a crowded store makes me want to run screaming, going out on dates is like pure, undiluted hell. I'm fucking sick of it.
Well, I'm a neurochemistry nerd so I decided to give 5-htp supplements a try. I won't bore you with all the ins and outs that I find so fascinating, I'll just give you a very brief rundown. 5- Hydroxytryptophan is an amino acid that your body naturally produces. It plays a role in the production of the neurotransmitter serotonin (as well as melatonin). Low serotonin levels are responsible for things like depression and anxiety. So, duh, these should boost my mood & help my anxiety, right? You bet your sweet, perky ass.
Now, I already drink a LOT of green tea, and take fish oil supplements, & I think these 3 things together are really helping to make me want to fling myself off Double Oak mountain less.
I took my 5-htp this morning, & quite honestly, I feel a little trippy...but I just don't give a fuck, ya know? Boys? Fuck 'em. Work? Ain't stressing. Christmas with my family that is usually soooo painful, & I DREAD? Bring it, bitches!!
I actually feel a bit like that crazy girl I used to be. Who knows, maybe I'll get to the point where I can go to events/bars on my own! I might actually meet someone I want to go on a date with...& not dread said date so much that I cancel it. The world is my oyster, & I'm gonna shuck that bitch.
As my neuropsych professor was fond of saying, Better living through chemistry!