Thursday, February 14, 2013

♫...I'm not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand...♫

Normally, I am snarky...or downright bitchy about Valentine's Day. See here, here and here for examples.
This year, however, I just don't feel the same deep seeded hatred for the (entirely greeting card company created fright fest that caters to the notion that if you love me you have to buy me stuff) holiday that I normally do.

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I don't have a significant other.
I have pneumonia.
I'm sitting alone with my cat.
I can't get drunk because I'm on antibiotics.
I'm too sick to get up and make myself dinner/drinks...and I don't have anyone to help me, or 'take care' of me.
I could fall into that deep well of despair that  possess some people on this day every year...but I'd rather not.
I know my ex has to be getting really tired of the drunk messages by now.

Valentine's Day just doesn't really mean anything to me...
...EXCEPT that all that luscious candy will be on sale starting tomorrow.

You can be miserable alone...and you can be miserable in a relationship.
I choose not to be miserable at all.
My life is in shambles. I don't particularly like any aspect of my current situation...but being miserable isn't going to fix that. I'm not going to bemoan my relationship status, as it is the least of my problems.
I could go out and snag myself a boyfriend right now...if that was all I wanted.
It's not.

I don't need a relationship to define me. I don't need to have that Ruby & So-and-so to make me feel complete. My Facebook relationship status has never been anything other than 'single', and that doesn't make me break down in a flood of tears. I'll tell you why. To me, a relationship with another person is too important, too fragile, too magical to be taken lightly. I've been in love once in my entire life...and I have had a great many bad relationship since. It's better to be single than in a relationship that makes you miserable, one where you can't be open and honest, one where there is no communication.
I want to be with someone who is not only my lover, but also my best friend...
...someone I can be myself with.
...someone I can curl up in a fort and watch Star Wars/Doctor Who/Lord of the Rings/Supernatural with.
...someone I can trust.
...someone who 'gets' me.
...someone who lets me love them with all that I have in me...
....and doesn't run screaming...
...someone who doesn't run when things get hard...but stays and fights for us...

I don't have relationships just for the sake of having them...for the ability to say 'I'M NOT SINGLE! WOO!' There's nothing wrong with being single. There is something wrong with basing your entire life's happiness on your relationship status.

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...now excuse me...I have movies to watch and an illness to get over.

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