Social norms are described by sociologists as being laws that govern society’s behaviors. Although these norms are not considered to be formal laws within society, they still work to promote a great deal of social control. Social norms can be enforced formally (e.g., through sanctions) or informally (e.g., through body language and non-verbal communication cues.) If people do not follow these norms then they become labeled as deviants and this can lead to them being considered the outcast of society. ~ Wikipidia
What have I learned from my little social experiment so far?
People do not want you to be single.
More to the point, people think that it is impossible for a single, childless woman in her 30's to be happy.
As if happiness comes only with finding a man, and pushing a human out of your vag.
People have been desperately trying to 'set me up' with sons, friends, brothers, etc for at least the past 10 years. When I tell them I'm not interested in being 'set up', the majority of them state, "I just want you to be happy!" Well, thanks Holly Hobby, but I'm fucking fine and dandy all on my own. The more patronizing say things along the lines of, 'I hope you find someone soon'...did you not just hear me say that I wasn't looking? The more batshit crazy, obviously wanting to die, individuals invite me out for a drink...& bring the guy along...without informing me, but he's under the impression that it's a date. I WILL fucking KILL the next person who does that.
What's the fucking deal?
The sociologist in me says it's due to social norms.
The norm here in Hell's Waiting Room is that, if you're a woman, you get married in your late teens to early twenties...and you get busy having babies. You can get away with maybe waiting until your late 20s, but if you make it to 30 never having been married, or given birth...you're a social deviant. You may as well change your name to Hester, and start wearing some kind of Scarlet letter, because that's how you will be treated.
Most people assume that because I'm single and childless that I must be miserable, and deserving of their pity. Let's get a few things straight, m'kay?
First off, if there is one thing my 'old' ass has learned in the many years I've been on this planet, it's that your happiness can NOT be dependent on another person. You have to find happiness within and for yourself. Yes, being with someone else can bring you happiness, make you smile, brighten your day..but your entire reason for living, your sole source of happiness should never be someone else. Yes, I understand that there's a bond between most parents & their children, but again...your whole world should not be consumed by one being. I'll point to the many instances where I've seen women so obsessed with their children that their relationship with their partner is neglected and unhappy.
All I'm saying is that you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. And it's possible for a woman who is happy with herself to be single, childless, and not give a fuck if either of those things changes.
I'm just fine holding out for Benedict Cumberbatch, thank you very much.
As for the pity part: I have nothing holding me anywhere (other than lack of money), so if I want to pick up and move, I can...without having to worry about anyone else. For the past 2 nights I've gotten 12 hours of much needed rest. My grocery bill for the week was under $50. The money I made from all the overtime I've had to work so far? Yeah, it went towards a new fall wardrobe...for me.
Who should you pity now?