Tuesday, July 3, 2012

♫...Now we reunite - alcohol...♫

  Because tomorrow is a holiday...and I'm having a god awful time at work...and my family is getting on my fucking nerves already...I'm having a drink. Honestly, this cup is mostly booze...there's very little 'mixer' in here. I can not feel my tongue right now...the jet fuel I'm drinking may have burned it right out of my mouth...


Ten Things I Think About While Drunk

1. Sex. Why the fuck am I not having it, and who the fuck can I have it with right now? No one? Oh, okay...

2. Benedict Cumberbatch: Why isn't he in me?

3. My feels- Stage 1: Oh dear sweet baby jesus on a taco with cheese. I wish I could feel like this all the time. I'm all fuzzy and happy and everything is beautiful and I just want to touch everything and kiss everyone and oh yeah, that feels nice. Everything is wonderful and glowy and nice. Let me drink more before this goes away, and I start feeling like everything in my life sucks again.

4. My feels - Stage 2: I'm feelin' kinda lonely. I need to text or facebook someone. Oh wait, that's right. I hid my phone and the modem because I don't want to horribly embarrass myself...again. Guess I'll just talk to one of my pets...or spend the next 12 hours on Tumblr.

5. My feels - Stage 3: [This comes if I pass my well established limit...which I rarely do...because it has toppled nations in the past] OH GOD, WHY AM I SO ALONE??? I'M GOING TO DIE A HOLLOW, USED UP, MESS OF NEED! OH FATE, YOU CURSED BITCH, I HOPE YOU DIE PAINFULLY, AND GET BURIED IN A SHALLOW UNMARKED GRAVE! WHY DOES NO ONE LOVE ME???


6. My book: I'll tell myself that I really should be writing...and then I'll go write a graphic love scene that I can't use until the 4th or 5th book in the series.

7. Work: I'll begin to come up with numerous reasons why there should be an open bar at work...and then I'll realize that I'm thinking about work...and that will make me drink more...which will lead to My feels - Stage 2 or 3, depending on how often I've thought about my fucking job before then.

8. Sleep: The older I get, the more drinking makes me sleepy. It fucking sucks.

9. Smoking: How very much I miss it...how I've been 3 years without a cigarette...and how I fucking miss getting drunk and chain smoking. I'm raiding a tobacco store when the zombie apocalypse happens...if I'm going to get torn to bits by the rampaging undead, I'm going to do it pumped full of nicotine. 

10. Sex: Okay, so sex could be all 10 things...what can I say? I'm a horny drunk. Tequila is the worst. I can maintain my composure, and act like I have at least a little sense in public...unless there is tequila involved...and then all bets are off...clothes will come off, and all inhibitions will flee. Sex...and Benedict Cumberbatch...both together...with some Tom Hiddleston...and Jeremy Renner...and Nathan Fillion...and Jennifer Lawrence...and Mila Kunis...



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