Tuesday, May 15, 2012

♫...There's a Misconception Ya'll...♫


I'VE BEEN SICK. 

10 Misconceptions About Me Brought About By My Blog.

1. I'm an Alcoholic: The rumors of my alcoholism have been greatly exaggerated. I'm not. I'm predisposed to alcoholism, so I take great pains to make sure that I don't let myself become dependent on alcohol. I do enjoy drinking with friends. I'm told I would fit in quite well in London because I drink like an Englishman...I took it as a compliment. It is true that I can drink a lot, and hold my liquor quite well. It's also true that Whiskey (and everything else) makes me frisky. Tequila makes me take my clothes off, and act a fool. 

2. I'm a loud, brash person: Quite the opposite. I'm exceedingly polite, and most of the people I work with think that I never talk. I just prefer to be polite and respectful of others...and only run my mouth with people who know me, and know when I'm being sarcastic...which is always. I know when it is appropriate to unleash my foul mouth, and when not to. The only time I act a fool in public is when I have had way too much to drink.

3. I think I'm sexy: Nope. I think I'm the very definition of awkward...but I'm working on it.

4. I don't like Aslan: I fucking love that furry, mouthy pain in the ass.

5. You can't take me home to Mum and Dad...or Mum and Mum...or Dad and Dad: Your parents would LOVE me. They would beg you to marry me, or be forever friends with me. Parents love me. I have no idea why. Probably because I know how to act in 'public'...and appear sweet and polite. 

6. I think I can write: Bwahahahahahahahaha. I think every single thing I write is CRAP!

7. I do this to get 'internet famous': I don't give a fuck. I keep this blog because I love it. I have to do this, or I would go completely insane. I'm thankful for each and every one of my followers. I could go the rest of my life and never ever have a new follower, and be completely content. I know some people who are not happy unless they have 18 million followers and comments. And all I have to say about that is...you need to reevaluate your priorities. Walk away from the computer and LIVE.

8. I don't want kids: Yes. I'm admitting it. I want kids. I would be content to have children with the right person (Benedict Cumberbatch), but I would also love to adopt. I don't really want to do it by myself...but I will. In fact, if I'm still single at 35...and I have my life in order...I will probably start the adoption process.

9. I don't want to EVER get married: There's a catch to this one. I will not get married unless I find the right person (Benedict Cumberbatch). I grew up with parents who are so very much in love that you can see it beaming from them every time they look at each other. That's a lot to live up to...and I refuse to settle for anything less. If that means I remain single for the rest of my life, so be it. I want the whole package: Best Friends and Lovers (with a sex drive as high and creative as my own...and who is open about what they want). On the other hand, marriage isn't a necessity for me...especially since half of the people I'm attracted to, I can't legally marry. 

10. I think I'm funny: On occasion, I do find myself hilarious...but 99% of the time...no. I don't think I'm funny. I think I'm weird. I am fucking weird, but I don't think I'm funny.

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