Tuesday, May 22, 2012

♫...Oh my god where are my panties?...♫

I forgot how very horny exercising makes me. Seriously. I need sex...and more than my snazzy, bendy, purple, seven different speeds and pulsations vibrator can provide. I'm talking a toe curling, calling on god and all the saints, ♫ Oh sweet mystery of life at last I've found you!♫, rug burn inducing, aching tomorrow in places I didn't know I had, sweaty, messy...


So...in honor of that...here are

10 Things That Make My Panties Fly Off
(...besides Dean Winchester)

1. Benedict Cumberbatch: Yes, we're going to go ahead and get this bit over with because you all know he's on the top of my list. He's not a 'thing'...but fuck you this is my blog. I love his mind...his personality...his gorgeousness...the fact that he would make an outstanding father makes my usually quiet ovaries and uterus perk up, and start panting for his offspring...which is a completely new sensation for me. The man also has more talent than should be legal. As a theater geek from way, way back (most of my life), there's something about theater people that makes my ladybits twitch in a very pleasant way.


2. Certain Accents: British, Irish, Scottish. Bam. Instant orgasm. Branson on Downton Abbey? Dear sweet holy baby raptor jesus TAKE THE WHEEL

3. 3 or 4 Whiskey Sours:..or a couple shots of Patrón. Gotta be honest here...I'm a horny drunk...which is why I try not to drink too much in public. That song...that my mother sings...Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off...which no daughter should ever have to hear their mother sing...it could have been written about me for all I know.

4. Backstage of any Theater: I have no idea how to accurately convey this one. I spent the best moments of my life on stage, growing up.  Theater was my heart, my soul, my very reason for breathing.  Something about being backstage around all those costumes, make up, etc...it just does it for me. I love the smells, the excitement, the anticipation. The smell of French Vanilla in Winter makes me think of being on stage at Huffman High.

5. A man in a tailored suit: Unf. Just...unf.

6. Kissing the side of my neck: Let me stress this point, first...INVITED, WANTED, & PERMITTED nuzzling and kissing of my neck. My brain will cease to function. Slow, kisses on the side of my neck and where it meets my shoulders...oh, yeah...that's the ticket.


7. Someone who smells REALLY fucking good: For serious, yo.

8. Cold, Autumn Nights: There is something about the crisp Autumn night...the smell of burning leaves...the urge to cuddle up underneath piles of blankets, possibly near a fire. I loves it. Too bad we don't get many Autumn nights like that here in in Hell's Waiting Room. 

9. Water: I have a thing for fooling around in water...shower, rain, pool, hot tub...doesn't matter...well, except for lakes, cold rivers, and the ocean...well, okay, maybe the ocean...but it just seems so dirty...and not the good dirty.

10. Someone rubbing my freshly shaven skin:...again...INVITED, WANTED, & PERMITTED.  I lovez it...it makes my toes curl.

...okay, basically breathing and being with someone I am crazy about makes my panties fly off...whatever. I do what I want.


Amanda said...

It's crazy how similar we are. And perhaps the universe is trying to hold some sort of balance by having us on two different sides of the country.

Biting my neck....biting my neck (not to draw blood, mind) will pretty much guarantee a lay. Maybe I shouldn't publicize that.

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