Well, here it is, Ladies and Jellybeans, Cats and Kittens, Dudes and Lady Dudes. Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. My favorite day of the year. My Christmas....and you know what, I'M GOING TO SPEND IT SOBER!
This is the worst thing in the history of existence. A sign of the coming Apocalypse. Tell your loved ones what they mean to you, and kiss your puppies and kitties goodbye, because there is absolutely no justice or kindness in a world that would force me to spend St. Patrick's Day sober.
I will probably spend the day sucking the alcohol out of various household goods, and being kicked in the face by the early arrival of allergy season...Instead of my usual ritual of kicking off breakfast at my favorite Irish Pub with Guinness and whatever they're serving dyed green...repeat until Lunch when we switch to Guinness and a sandwich...and repeat that until dinner when we switch to Irish Car Bombs and french fries...and then straight up Jameson until I pass out in someone's bathtub dressed up as Alice in Wonderland or wrapped up in a flag or plastic 'St. Patrick's Day Festivities' bar sign.
Being poor sucks the fun right out of things.