Once upon a time, in the late 1980s, I set my big ol' hair on fire.
As I've mentioned before, while I was growing up my family attended various Baptists churches. Luckily, I escaped relatively unscathed by their dogma and with all my free will still intact. That in and of itself is a miracle. At the time of this particular event I was either in 2nd or 3rd grade and my family attended a very small Missionary Baptist Church. Meaning they were old school Baptists y'all. During this time in history it was fashionable to have BIG hair...and this is the south I'm talkin' about, so it was VERY big hair indeed...and lots of hairspray was the ticket of the day.
I had extremely long, naturally blonde, hair and my mother had been perming it for me for at least a year or so at this time.
|Exhibit A: Me + Many chemicals...that are probably|
illegal now...it was the 80s, we ate lead paint for breakfast.
Being that I attended a Baptist church, we were real big on Easter (All the fun things about Easter are pagan in origin, hijacked to help convert the pagan's to Christianity...I love me some pagans, y'all). I was mostly excited because Easter meant that I was able to get a new dress and get my swag on. That year I was extra excited because not only was my dress super spiffy (to my 8 or 9 year old self), but it came with a hat! A HAT! I never got to wear a hat!
|Exhibit B: Girl's Easter Hat|
Mine didn't have a bow =[
|Exhibit C: The Bangs|
The Missionary Baptist church I went to seemed to use any excuse to break out the wafers and candles and have a good ol' fashioned candlelit communion. My uncle was the pastor of this church. It really isn't relevant to the story, just thought I'd throw that out there (he's also the reason my parents made me stop watching Mighty Mouse and Punky Brewster...and even though he has turned into a perfect heathen now, I will always be a bit sore about that!). So, I'm sure you see where this is going. We lit the candles by passing the flame from our candle to the person beside us...and then one by one we walked from our pews to the front to eat our wafer and drink our grape juice (Baptists only drink alcohol in the closet where no one can see them), and then back to our pew. When you walk with a candle the flame tends to grow a bit longer...and mine sure did. We were safely back in our pew (my family) when I started smelling something funky. It was about the same time my mother started smelling it too, and her first instinct was to look over at me (if something weird was going on I was usually the cause). The next thing I know, my mother was beating at my forehead as inconspicuously as she could...because my chemical heavy bangs were on fire!
|Exhibit D: Permed bangs + Can of Aqua Net =|