Wednesday, February 8, 2012

♫...Time may change me...♫


  You may have noticed a few changes on ye olde homestead:
  1. I've changed my 'user name'. Why? Well, it's simple, my dears...I'm trying to reenter the working world so that I can pay off the massive, debilitating, depressingly monstrous student loans I have...and I'm trying not to send perspective employers fleeing in horror before they've even met me...I'll do fine making them run screaming once they lay eyes on me. Maybe I'll change it back once I've tricked someone into hiring me...but for now, it stays Whiskey Sour...but you can still call me Ruby.
  2. The 365 days-of-annoying-the-ever-loving-crap out of me has stopped. When I initially decided to do that, it was going to replace the daily 'themes'...but the more I got into it, the more annoying it got to me...and so I decided to forgo the 'pleasure'...mainly because I'm lazy and I'm more interested in making babies with my hubby Elliot in Fable III....he says I'm kinky...and he says it like he likes it. I knew I made the right decision in not killing him.
   As some of you are aware, I'm in my early 30s. For the most part, being over 30 doesn't bother me...but there is one thing that I was woefully unprepared for. Imagine, if you will, that the night before your turn 30, aliens come down and swap your body for another one...that looks exactly the same. When you wake up you don't notice anything different (the least the little bastards could have done was get rid of the stretch marks), but over time you start noticing little differences. For instance, waking up in the morning now feels akin to the worst hangovers you experienced (after spending all night out-drinking frat boys) in your 20s. Hangovers is your 30s? Well, they feel like an atomic bomb has gone off in your head...decimated your brain...and is slowly poisoning very single cell in your body. Also, once upon a time I could eat whatever I wanted and if I gained weight I could swap a few meals with Slim-Fast shakes or pop a few Stacker 2s (god, I miss Ephedra) and all would be dandy. Now? Ahahahahahahahahahaha. Nope. Hardcore dieting and exercise is the only way. Which, let's face it, I feel 100% better when I eat right and exercise anyway...but therein lies another change. Since August I've hurt my knees, hamstrings, ankles...just about everything from the waist down....and don't get me started on the stiffness and popping I experience when I drag myself out of bed in the morning. Finally, there's the incident from last night. I don't drink anything carbonated. I drink tea (hot and cold), lots of water, coffee, juice...and booze. Last night, I had the brilliant idea to have a glass of Mountain Dew...and I thought I was going to die. You know that ugly little alien dude that popped out of the guy's chest in Alien? Yeah, well, it felt like he was trying to claw his way out of my insides last night. It got to the point where I was praying it was the little alien and he'd just pop the hell out already.

So basically, what I'm saying is that I am, in fact, a Busty Zombie (potential) Hooker from Space.


4 comments:

Iconic Marquee said...

Stretch marks? You don't have a child, do you?

I mean, I love you dearly... but I also fear for the life of anything in your care.

Great post, as always ^^

Whiskey Sour said...

Wait, let me think...do I have a kid? Did I leave it somewhere and forget about it?...Gimme a sec, I got this...is that the fuzzy little orange ball of fluff yowling his mother freakin' head off at me right now? No, that's a cat.....NO, THANK ALL THAT IS HOLY I DO NOT HAVE A KID!

I would, however, clean my act up and have Benedict Cumberbatch's babies RIGHT NOW!

My lovely tiger stripes are from gaining and then losing a bit of weight.

Wendy, R.N. said...

Welcome to the other side....

W. :)

Scooter said...

I have them too. You're among friends. :)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...