Sunday, February 19, 2012

♫...Go on, take everything, take everything, I want you to...♫

   I really don't feel like writing today. I feel a dried out husk of myself...because my mother tried to kill me!

  The story begins Thursday afternoon. I was suffering from a sinus headache thanks to the bipolar weather we have been having here in Satan's Waiting Room. It was quite bad, and while I usually refrain from taking any kind of medication, I mentioned to mum that I was in a bit of pain, and likely to start stomping around town in a godzilla like rage if it didn't stop soon. She said she had something I could take for that. I consented and she walked off to her room. She came back and handed me a small pill, which I just assumed was some kind of over the counter decongestant. I mean, she's my mother, I can trust her, right?

  Well, another four or so hours passed and nothing changed. My head was pounding, every little bit of noise made me want to grab the offending party and rip their heads off with my teeth. There was an unbearable ache behind both of my eyes, and for a few moments I contemplated removing my eyes just so the pressure would stop. Finally, I came back to my mother and told her that her measly little pill had not even put a dent in my pain. I asked her if she was sure she had given me the right thing.

  Long story short...the woman gave me a heavy duty water pill, instead of a decongestant, by 'mistake'. Her advice to me was to make sure I drank a lot of water. Now, I do drink a lot of water. In fact, that's all I drink. Water, coffee (made with water), tea (made with water), so I was under the impression that I had that under control. 

Hahahahahahahahahaa. No. 

   Over the past two days I've experienced the most agonizing leg/feet/toe/hand/finger cramps I've ever experienced IN MY LIFE. You should probably be aware that I have a bit of a potassium deficiency, and had horrible cramps in various appendages for years, but I have had them under control for years now. Last night, the muscles in my legs took on a mind of their own...they twitched and quivered and cramped nonstop for hours. Finally, after massaging them, I thought I had it under some control, and decided to go to sleep. After only an hour of sleep, pain shot through both of my legs, and I was jolted out of highly erotic Benedict Cumberbatch fueled dream.  The pain was so bad and the cramping was so intense that I could not seem to straighten my feet into the position needed to walk. I tried to stand and immediately crashed to the floor. The waves of pain just laughed at me...and my toes started cramping up as well. Finally, after quite a bit of struggling and whimpering I was able to make it to my feet. The only thing to do was try to 'walk it off'. I walked all over the house like a crazed speed walker. Finally, I walked into the kitchen and began to drink water like my life depended on it. I'm not sure how much I drank...but if I had to guess, I'd say an Atlantic Ocean sized amount. 

   Today I woke up feeling like someone used that water sucky thing from Tank Girl on me. My mouth was a barren, dry wasteland....and I'm convinced Mum did it on kill me.



Scooter said...

My mom poisons me with her cooking on a regular basis. I understand. :/

Can you eat bananas? They have yummy happy potassium and taste particularly good in a sandwich with peanut butter. :D

Whiskey Sour said...

BANANAS!!! I eat those things ALL THE TIME! I quite like them. I also quite like making milkshakes with them, vanilla ice cream, and peanut butter!

Luckily for me, my dad and youngest brother do most of the cooking...and they are AMAZING chefs...which is why I gained so much weight when I moved back! We're all grown-ups...5 of us living together to support and help each other out. Kind of like living in a commune, except not nearly as fun.

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