Thursday, December 22, 2011

♫...My little crazy cat...♫

   My cat, Aslan, freaked the holy-sweet-baby-raptor-jesus-fuck out this morning. For a few solid, terrifying moments I thought he was either rabid or possessed with a particularly nasty kitty demon. I'm still not sure exactly what 'went down' prior to his exorcist like freak out, but here's what I know.

  It all started with this godawful, annoying bird chirping an irritating, skull splitting chirp from hell. The damn thing woke me up a lot earlier than I would normally make myself roll out of bed. I had been sitting in bed for a few moments, considering hasting the feathered miscreant on his way to his next life, when I decided I'd better go get Aslan and bring him in (because it was suppose to storm). You see, Aslan refuses to let me sleep so he gets to spend the night out on the back porch when he decides to 'yowl' his little fool head off all night. Also, he doesn't have any front claws (not my decision), and he is the BIGGEST scardy cat on the planet...so he gets to wear a leash...a very, very long leash that lets him prowl as far as he wants to go.

   Normally, he will be waiting on the back steps, glaring at me with "What the fuck took you so long?" eyes...but this morning I walked out the back door and found that his leash led under the back steps. I called him a few times and nada...which is not like him at all. I called him a few more times and he finally started crawling out from under the stairs and up on to the back porch. By this time, Leonard and Sheldon (who had been off barking at something like Freddy Krueger was trying to make his way into our back yard) came running up to us, sniffing at Aslan, like they always do. Aslan usually sniff back and sometimes they play around. Not this morning. No, the morning Aslan completely lost.his.mind.

   All of a sudden, my big ball of ginger fur was hissing and spitting and growling like I had never seen him do before. His long body was hunched up and vibrating. I tried to keep a tight hold on him, not wanting him to leap off the porch and run off, but it was no use. I found myself holding on to his tail as he leaped forward, backwards, left, right, up, down, diagonally...while hissing and emitting the most spine chilling growl/scream/dark incantation that I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing. I was after a moment of watching this terrifying spectacle unfold that I realized, "OH MY GOD, I'M HOLDING MY CAT BY HIS TAIL!". I immediately let him go, and he ran under the barbecue grill. Still seething and hissing and being downright horrifying.

None of this phased the dogs, of course.

I was able to fetch him out from under the grill and scoop him up in my arms. I, along with Mum and the dogs,   went inside, but I didn't make it beyond the door before he started vibrating in rage, and spitting and hissing and generally being quite cross again. Deciding it was best to get him away from the dogs, I took him to my room and gave him some food. He quit doing his Linda Blair impersonation, but kept looking at the door and acting nervous.

   I've had Aslan for almost 6 years and I have never seen him act that way...and in those 6 years it has become easier for me to read his body language and understand what he's feeling. This left me baffled. Half an hour later, his ears were still back and his tail was twitch fiercely (which means: "Don't fuck with me right now"). An hour later, I let him and Sheldon come face to face to see what would happen...and they just sniffed and cuddled.

No idea what happened this morning. All I know is this:

  1. Josh said that he heard a 'zombie cat' outside his bedroom window (opposite side of the house from Aslan) around 5am.
  2. The dogs had been barking at something so fiercely (before I went to get Az) that when they came in they were out of breath and panting 
  3. Aslan went completely psycho
This would not be the first weird thing to go on in our backyard and I'm sure, whatever it was, won't be the last. 

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