Tuesday, November 15, 2011

♫...Nice to meet you Daryl...♫

Ode to Daryl
10 Ways A 'Redneck' Character Won Me Over
(Thar be The Walking Dead spoilers ahead...)

1. Norman Reedus: If a character is played by Norman Reedus, I'm already more than half way in love with him.  I call this 'Ruby's Law of Attraction'...meaning, if I'm attracted to the actor, I'm probably going to end up liking the character no matter what. Whatever, I can't help it, he's hot and 10 kinds of awesome. I can't tell you how many times I've sat and watched Lady Gaga's Judas video just to see him (mainly because it would embarrass the hell out of me). Don't get me wrong, I love Lady Gaga, but I'm mainly watching so that I can see him pour beer on her ass. Them's the facts of life people. I'm a dirty, dirty little freak. No shame.

2. His Arms: Holy sweet Jesus on whole wheat toast! If those arms aren't an aphrodisiac, I don't know what is! Every time you see Daryl it's like, 'BAM! My arms just made your panties burst into flames!'. When he ripped his sleeves off in this week's episode...I lost all sense. How do you do words?

3. He's got that 'Thing': You know...that "misunderstood bad boy with a huge heart that he tries to hide and all he needs is the love of a good woman to turn it around, and why can't I be that woman?" thing. Usually that kind of 'thing' will turn around and bite your heart in the ass when he rides off on his Harley with the first size 0, fetus that sticks her big, fake, bouncy boobs in his face. Yet, something about Daryl whispers softly, 'I'll never do that to you!' *puppy dog eyes* *heart melts* *clothes fall off*

4.His attitude: It's the mother freakin' Zombie Apocalypse...people are getting their faces gnawed off left and right...but he is, mostly, Mr. Funny One Liners and Optimism. He's one of the few who isn't convinced that Sophia is now a Zombie snack.
"It's a waste of time, all this hopin' and prayin'. We're going to locate that little girl, and she is going to be fine."
 ...and when discussing the fact that everyone seems to think that Sophia is lost forever because she's in the forest, he comes back with:
It ain't the mountains of Tibet, it's Georgia.
...and who can forget this?:
 "Call that payback for laughing about my itchy ass."

5. Cherokee Rose: When he brings Carol the Cherokee Rose and tells her the story of it's origins, I dare you to tell me that you didn't tear up and want to lick his face like a hyperactive golden retriever. I DARE YOU! I don't care what your sexual orientation is, at that moment his milkshake brought all y'all to his yard.
"The story is that when American soldiers where moving Indians off their land, on the Trail of Tears, the Cherokee mothers were grieving and crying so much 'cause they were losing their little ones along the way. Exposure and disease and starvation; a lot of them just disappeared. So the elders, they sent a prayer, asked for a sign to uplift the mother's spirits. Give 'em strength, hope. The next day, this rose started to grow right where the mother's tears fell. I'm not fool enough to think there's any flowers bloomin' for my brother. But, I believe, this one is bloomin' for your little girl."
6. He's a survivor: In 'Save The Last One', while searching the woods for Sophia, Daryl tells Andrea that he was lost in the woods when he was younger. He goes on to explain how no one knew that he was missing, because his dad was on a bender and his brother was locked up. He survived in the woods for nine days eating berries. The only down side was that he wiped his bottom with poison oak. He eventually found his own way home and promptly went inside and made himself a sandwich. This story not only shows us that he has been taking care of himself for a very long time, it also clues us in on his less than idyllic childhood. The way his brother talks to him, and the way he responds (in Chupacabra) makes me think that he didn't know a lot of kindness growing up. This plays a lot into that 'Thing" I mentioned above, I'm sure. There's no denying that Daryl can take care of himself. He can hunt and track like he was born with bloodhound DNA.

7. Bad. Ass.: Let's see you get thrown by a horse, take a tumble down a rocky cliff, fall into a river, be impaled by an arrow, haul yourself halfway up said cliff/embankment, take another tumble back down, hallucinate that you're arguing with your bigoted, mean as hell brother, pull an arrow out of your own side, fight off two zombies, haul yourself back up that steep as hell, crumbling cliff, walk who knows how many miles back to camp, have someone shoot at you and graze your head with a bullet...and SURVIVE even the first 5 minutes...let alone look as delicious as he did all hurt and in need of a sponge bath from nurse LeBeau. I think that qualifies as the longest run-on sentence in the history of the world.

8. He's not Merle: He grew up in the same house as Merle, but he's not like his brother. I've spent my entire life avoiding guys like Merle here in the South. Let's remember that Daryl has spent his time helping others. When T-Dog was injured and the zombie horde was approaching, he risked his own safety to jump up, snap a zombie's neck and get T-Dog into a position where he would be hidden. Then there's Sophia. Who has worked harder than him to find her? Seriously. Do you think Merle would do that? Hell naw. Merle is a selfish, hate-filled, bigot. Despite this fact, Daryl was wiling to venture into zombie ridden Atlanta to rescue his big brother.

9. He can feed me: During the zombie apocalypse this will be very important....and a little known fact about me: If you feed me, I will love you. I will, however, insist that he cook the little squirrels first.


Bonus: That man looks damn fine riding a horse.


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