Sunday, November 27, 2011

♫...Ho, ho, ho and a bottle of rum...♫

   It's the Sunday after Thanksgiving, so I feel safe in saying that the holiday season is underway. I mean, it's not like it's the day after Halloween and I'm putting up my Christmas tree and all my decorations (yes, I am judging you so hard if you did this). I'm not too proud to tell you that the holiday season makes me want to drink heavily...and my heavily and your heavily are probably worlds apart...let's make a side by side comparison so that we can put this in perspective:

Fig. 1: Your 'Heavily'    Fig. 2: My 'heavily'
   If I had my way, I would start drinking the day before Thanksgiving and not stop until January 3rd. However, my liver has threatened to claw it's way out of my body and put itself up for adoption if I do, I'm poor

   What do I hate about the holiday season? Well, for one thing, the crazy that seems to permeate even those individuals who seemed relativity sane before this time of year. I mean, Black Friday? Just the name sounds ominous. Like it should be a day that hearkens back to the beginning of time when people would not leave their homes because a dark unholy beast would suck the marrow from their bones and use their femur as a tooth pick....which really isn't too far off from what Black Friday actually is. 
   On Black Friday (and most weekends during December) I pretend that the Zombie Apocalypse has just started, and I don't leave the damn house under any circumstances! It's every person for themselves and if you're out there somewhere and you need me to come save you....well, you're screwed. In fact, I think I'd rather face zombies than the crowds at Black Friday. I might even go so far as to say that I would prefer that a zombie munch on my face than set foot outside on that day. If I'm going to get pepper sprayed or otherwise physically injured in order to buy had better damn well be worth booze in a TARDIS shaped bottle that Matt Smith had personally placed his dreamy little lips on. 
Priorities. I haz them. 

I really enjoy buying gifts, but it's JUST STUFF, people. You will not die if you don't get it. There are more important things in life. 

Stop letting your crazy spill all over the place....

Now, if you need me, I'll be sitting here in the corner, singing along to Adele and crying into my Whiskey Sour...


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