Friday, January 7, 2011

♫...Once I made a man all out of snow...♫

Oh. Dear. Holy. Nachos.
They uttered the word snow in the weather predictions, and now everyone in my area of Alabama is spilling their crazy all over the place.

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Don't, for the love of all that is sane, go anywhere near any kind of supermarket, most especially do not go to walmart...or you will be shanked by an 80 year old granny for the last gallon of milk and the last stale loaf of the most hella expensive brand of bread...because that's all that will be left...theses people is cra-ZY.

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Whenever the news even hints that we might have even the most light sprinkling of snow here in the dirty south, people lose what little sense they have...and rush to the store to stock up on bread and milk. Bread and Milk. I'm sorry...but if I'm going to be stuck in the house with my family for an undetermined amount of time, unable to leave without the threat of losing limbs to frostbite or dying of hypothermia, bread and milk are the last two items I would want to stock up on. MY first stop would be the liquor store. Irish Whiskey and sweet and sour mix are my snow survival staples. It can snow for weeks as long as these two items do not run out. Next, screw milk. I'm lactose intolerant...and furthermore, if you lose power you have to keep the refrigerator door closed or risk everything in it going bad...granted you could put the milk out in the snow, but whatever...get Mt. Dew and Dr. Pepper and all kinds of juice...why? Because, even though I don't drink this stuff anymore, in a pinch I will...and I don't care if it's warm/room temperature/cold/whatever I'll still drink it...and also it's all good to mix with the most important survival staple: alcohol. Food. We have a wood burning stove downstairs in our house, so even if we did lose power we could still cook things...even the cat if it comes to that.

So...while everyone else is freaking out and all "OMG! It's Alabaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaama and we're gonna maybe, possibly get 4-8 inches of Snooooowwwww! Oh! MAH! GAWWWWD! We're gonna dIIIIIIIIIeee cuz we ain't got enough bread or milk!! Save us, Jeeebus!"....I'mma be all like this:

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Cheers!

3 comments:

Amanda said...

I remember how crazy people get! It's hysterical! You'd think zombies were invading.

Ruby LeBeau said...

Gurl. I WISH zombies were invading. I'm living for that day.

rockerbabe79 said...

LMFAO that was funny and yet so true. You think its bad in Birmingham any type of precip in Auburn makes then act all retarded. Hell we have liquor and lots of groceries thanks to me going before I got an impromptu call from work. Plus we have gas heat and stove. Go me! Seriously people here act insane too i honestly think its all of alabama.

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