Thursday, January 6, 2011

I love trimethylxanthine

I've been mostly-dead all day (If you don't get that reference, slap yourself and then go google it), EXCEPT for that little while after Ben made me the most potent cup of coffee EVER consumed.
The story goes a little like this:
Ben decided to make a chocolate cake...a confectionery masterpiece known as Black Magic Cake...and it calls for strong coffee...and I was keeping him after making a pot of coffee so strong that it could solve the energy crisis, he had 2 cups left...and you can rest assured that I drank both of those cups with enough sugar to send me into a diabetic coma...oh, and enough hazelnut creamer to turn my blood into a dairy product.
Now...first off, you should know that I've had the most god-awful-make-me-want-to-set-someone's-face-on-fire-and-then-put-it-out-with-a-fork kind of headache for the past two days. I qualify for sainthood by just surviving it and not fatally wounding anyone. This coffee knocked that beeotch right out of my head. It was like "BAM, I'm coffee and boatloads of caffeine, mofo, be GOOOOOONE"...and it fled in abject terror. What proceeded was the most epic sugar high that I've experienced in my 56746740860478647 years in existence.


  • I made several Twitter posts that were amusing only to me. (1/20/2011: for some reason this hashtag is now gone...damn you Twitter!)
  • I sat at the kitchen table intermittently yelling "wooooo" and "Rumspringa" a la the drunk chick in Sex Drive while knitting.
  • I thought it was hilarious when Ben said, "My cake looks scaly."
  • When Josh called me whitey I told him that he must address me as Scotch/Irish/Cherokee-American...he told me that sounds like a drinking problem.
  • I kept staring my mother down...until she threatened me. 
  • Ben and I put on a rousing rendition of What If God Was One Of Us.
  • I kept singing 'She's a Maniac' into a cup.
This kept on through dinner, through The Big Bang Theory, and finally began to fizzle out around 8:30pm. Now I feel like a lifeless slug that someone has sprinkled salt on and I'm slowly melting away. 



Amanda said...


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