I'm 31 years old...so in my infinite years upon this earth I've been involved, in one way or another, with my fair share of partners. Most of them, I still keep around as friends...or someone to change the oil in my car. There are those that I have been friends with for years and I have no problem listening to them and offering my advice on things that are currently troubling them. In fact, it's kind of my 'calling' in life. I'm everyone's therapist. I don't mind, I'm just happy that they feel comfortable coming to me.
Then there are those handful of ex-significant others/monstrous mistakes/what-the-hell-was-I-thinking/assholes that you wouldn't mind lighting their faces on fire and putting it out with a fork....but you're still 'nice' to them because you're so passive-aggressive that you end up resembling a doormat...that's been used as a chew toy for a pack of rabid soccer moms. It's these few that make you want to write something like this.....
WELL, if you hadn't been a bunch of...
...you wouldn't have these kinds of problems with the women/men/whatever you choose to date/marry/live with. What the hell do you want my advice for anyway? I'm SINGLE, mofo. S-I-N-G-L-E. That means I don't have to put up with anyone's demands/hangups/needs but my own. I like it that way. So the best advice I could possibly give you is...if they are annoying the piss out of you NOW, it ain't gonna get any better, so either suck it up and deal or be single. Also, I am not your substitute girlfriend. I am not obligated to sit here and stroke your ego and make you feel better. In fact, I think you're an ass and your significant other can do better....and I'd probably want to be friends with him/her more than with YOU! Sooooo, when you whine and cry and want me to make you feel better (because that's what I was always good for, right?), and you want advice...my response is now going to be:
I'm not you're free therapist...so either pay up, or shut up.
NOT YOUR F'ING GIRLFRIEND...Ruby.
P.S. It's quote time...cuz I just stumbled upon one"
“It’s not my job to make you a better man, and I don’t give a shit if I’ve made you a better man. It’s not a fucking woman’s job to be consumed and invaded and spat out so that some fucking man can evolve.” ~ The L Word
P.P.S. In case you don't follow me on Twitter or Tumblr...I'll go ahead and tell you I MOTHER FREAKIN' LOVE THE FRENEMY! She rocks my world in a profound way...and today I read a new post by her that sums up a major theme in this post...and expresses it with more sass and BAMF-ness than I could ever hope to squeeze out of my brain...so go read it HERE