Thursday, October 28, 2010

♫'s an FYI: you're all gonna die screaming...♫

Day 28- If you had to buy a survival handbook, which one would you buy?

I already own it! The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks. My copy has been written in, highlighted, bookmarked and practically memorized.

I've said it before and I'll say it again now...The zombies are coming, kiddos. It's only a matter of time.  It's best to go ahead and prepare yourself for this inevitable event. Please develop your zombie plans now...cuz 'The Traveling LeBeau Compound" has a rule about being unprepared/weak links in the zombie killing get used as bait.....Though, I'm not as bad as my youngest brother, Ben. His first order of business is to sacrifice the old, infirm, and very young as they will only slow us down...I believe he calls them zombie fodder...The best thing about Ben, and why he will inevitably be the one in charge, is that he will not think twice about shooting you in the head if you become infected...doesn't matter who you are...he's stated quite bluntly that he'd shoot our own mother if she goes zombie on us...

Josh, the middle child, on the other hand...I love the boy to death...but if his behavior during our LAN Party fun of Left 4 Dead 2 is any indication of how he will behave during the actual zombie first order of business is to use him as bait...see...Josh, Ben and I were all playing Left 4 Dead 2 together, excited that it was set here in the south, and hoping they would run through Birmingham and set it on fire.  So, it's the 3 of us and one character controlled by the 'computer' the end of this game, you are running across a bridge in Louisiana, outside of New Orleans, and there are hordes of zombies between you and the helicopter that is waiting to take you to safety. You've survived a zombie infested amusement park with creepy rotting clowns, a torrential downpour with creepy ass 'witch' zombies making the most spine chilling noise (did I mention that we were playing in the PITCH BLACK darkness of an otherwise empty house?), a cemetery and various other death filled areas...and you are in the 'home stretch' is waiting just across that bridge...all you have to do is run, cover each other and kill everything that comes at you...Ben and I are almost there...and we're running out of ammo...I'm down to one handgun...and Josh is nowhere to be found...he had turned and left us to the zombie horde so that he could go rescue the character that is played by the mother frackin' computer!!!! WHERE is the family loyalty...he has he is zombie bait.

I told my friend Amanda the other day that I will be a zombie killing machine! I shall lead the unannoying safely through the endless sea of zombies, like a modern day moses...but with a fabulous rack.


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