Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Where is Aslan's Snooze Button?

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. ~Author Unknown

So far this year

  • I've lost 3 lbs. Outstanding for me.
  • Had, like, 3 hours of sleep (slight exaggeration).
  • Almost killed Aslan half a dozen times.

Not that bad. Not that good either.

My cat does not like for me to sleep. I have to, literally, trick him into thinking that I am awake in order to even get two hours of uninterrupted sleep.

In order for me to function as a slightly normal human being and not stomp through the streets breathing fire and savagely destroying civilization I NEED my 7-8 hours of sleep. I need it to be dark, cold enough to huddle under my blanket, and quiet. I normally have 2 fans blowing that drown out every and all sounds (true story, once a tree feel over my room and I didn't even hear it, god I love those fans). If I'm hot, or under too much light...or the TV/radio/Vacuum are on I can not sleep AT ALL.

Above all...I CAN NOT sleep while Aslan is yowling at the top of his lungs.

It's too cold to put him outside...I have 8:00am classes that start this week...and he will not shut the holy freakin' hell up. My sleeping schedule is screwed seven ways to Sunday because of this. There have been days where I've had 0-4 hours of sleep...and if I don't get my sleep...well, there's isn't a word/phrase bad enough to describe the absolute evil that I turn in to...plus, the delirium causes me to run into things, and now my legs look like I've lost a fight with a gnome.

To get those few, precious, hours of sleep I have to trick Aslan. I have to lay down with him, put in a movie, leave the lights on...and TRY to fall asleep that way...it normally only works when I'm so exhausted that I can't stand myself. If I turn the lights out and my fans on...he has what we call here in the southern United States, a 'come apart'. He yowls and races around at top speed until I put him outside (it's too cold for that), squirt him in the face with the squirt bottle (which makes me feel like a monster, and doesn't always work anymore), or I wake up. It has gotten rediculous.

If I didn't love him so much...he'd be GONE...of course, I've said the same thing when forced to sleep in the same room with my mother and her snoring.


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