Tuesday, January 5, 2010

A mark, a yen, a buck, or a pound.

I learned three important things in college - to use a library, to memorize quickly and visually, to drop asleep at any time given a horizontal surface and fifteen minutes. ~Agnes DeMille

School starts tomorrow so I decided to take a look at my bill...after I picked myself up off the floor and stopped hyperventilating (which is normal when I look at my tuition, etc.)...I decided to break it down.:

Building Fees $55.00 --- okay....um...wtf am I paying for a building for? Do I get to keep it? Will it eventually be named after me? Hummm...Ruby Hall...Quite honestly, I've spent so many years at that school there SHOULD be a building named after me, cuz I've sure as hell paid for one.


Lab Fees $115.00 --- I understand this one. I mean they have to pay for all those poor animals I'm going to have to dissect in Bio. Let's call this the weight loss fee, because I won't be eating before or after this class...and will probably be upchucking at least once. So the sheer amount of weight I will probably lose due to this class is worth the $115. Yay! College has FINALLY done something for me.

Learning Resource Fees $100.00 --- What is a Learning Resource? I pay for my books (like $400+ a semester). I supply my own notebooks, pens, pencils, etc. I pay a lab fee. I want to know what I'm paying $100 for here people. I need an itemized list of these so-called Learning Resources.

On-Line Course Fees $75.00 --- I don't care about this one. Hell, it's worth it to not have to spend another hour in that idiot infested hell.

Recreation Center Fee $48.00 --- I have never seen the inside of the gym. I have a bowflex and a treadmill at HOME...and I'm sure as hell not going to put on a swimsuit at school...I think this should be optional...I've been there since 2002 (on and off, part-time due to work), and I've NEVER been...you know what...I'm gonna go every freakin' day this semester...even the days I'm not at school.

Student Service Fees $119.00 --- Basically, I'm paying for the “privilege” of calling myself a student. Oh golly gee, happy day.

Tuition $1,760.00 --- This is for 3 classes and a lab (which I'm paying a fee for as well).

Total Term Charges: $2,272.00 --- I feel like I should write 'Priceless' a la MasterCard...just for the sheer fact that this will be my last term that is 3/4 or Full-Time. After this I have 3 classes left and they can't be taken simultaneously.

Then I have to spend a MINIMUM of $300/$400 on books.

College in the US is basically extortion. The Department of Education owns me.

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