Sunday, November 22, 2009

Don't even think about it....

You know when you are really really really sick and the thought of having to move even your thumb the slightest millimeter makes you want to weep with despair? When the thought of doing more than blinking feels like running a marathon after years upon years of chain smoking? Well, I was having one such day some time ago when I was forced (because my mother left the TV on the Sci-Fi channel and then disappeared into the nether for several hours) to watch several episodes of Scare Tactics. I was a bit groggy but the jest of the show seems to be that a persons ‘loved ones’ conspire to scare the holy hell out of them...someone they supposedly care about...while it is secretly filmed and then broadcast on cable TV.


Okay. Your friends and your family are supposedly the people who know you best, right? They know your hopes, your dreams, that you slept with your ‘blankey’ until well into college, and your biggest fears. So, someone that you trust goes to these people and ask them to orcastrate this elaborate rouse to scare you to within an inch of your life. I’m surprised that someone hasn’t had a heart attack...or killed someone…yet. It’s cruel! But that’s not the point...

…the point is…if ANYONE I know EVER does this to me, there will be HELL to pay. I’m talking life long vendetta, bamboo shoots under fingernails, curses placed upon your person, voodoo dolls made in your likeness...and don’t go to sleep because I will be right there peeling your face off...

My brothers have a fascination with scaring me using this life-sized cardboard cut out of Indiana Jones. They will place it in strategic places in our house, knowing exactly where it can do the most psychological damage. While I’m asleep, they will place him right outside my bedroom door in a dark hallway. They’ll wait a few days between scares so that I’m lulled into a sense of false security and then they will place him in the shower and close the curtain. There was even a time when I came home late one night and he was standing just inside my bedroom door. I’ve learned to accept that this is going to continue. However, I have made it abundantly clear that if he turns up in a few certain places I will lose what little grip on sanity/reality I still have and then I will come after them with a strait razor. I will cut a fool.

...That goes for things like Scare Tactics as well. I would be the one to go absolutely crazy and start cutting people...you do not scare a crazy person...it never ends well!

* P.S. Hiatus has been due to school and sickness...I will try not to let it happen again.

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