Thursday, October 22, 2009

I choose vodka, and Chaka Khan

"At times like this, continuing with one's life seems impossible...and eating the entire contents of one's fridge seems inevitable. I have two choices: to give up and accept permanent state of spinsterhood and eventually be eaten by Alsatians...or not, and this time I choose not. I will not be defeated by a bad man and an American stick insect! Instead, I choose vodka, and Chaka Khan." ~ Bridget Jones

Dear 30s,

I know that we've only met today, but I am hoping that you are I are going to be wonderful friends. Your predecessor, my wayward 20s, were a daily venture into the bowels of hell and I'm glad to be through with them. I won't go into all the tortures that my 20s inflicted on my vulnerable psyche, but suffice is to say that I will not miss those years and I will not look back on them with longing.

Now, you and I, my fabulous 30s, I am hoping that we will get along in a way that will cause me to fall in overwhelming, rapturous love with you. Please be gentle with my soul, it's been battered and bruised and ripped apart and tortured and torn and butchered and stabbed repeatedly...and if you aren't, I will bitch slap you into next century.

Though, I will say I am starting out this year with MUCH better hair and skin than last year. In fact, I look fabulous. It makes me cry for the poor slobs that gave me up...but not much.

Okay, so now that we have our terms laid out, here is my obligatory resolution list:

  1.  I will get healthy. Seriously. No more screwing around. I'm not getting any younger.
  2. Take care of my skin. The fact that I don't look my age will count for nothing if I keep treating it like crap.
  3. Become a Goddess of Organization. 
  4. Spend more time with my family and talking/writing my amazing girl friends.
  5. Spend more time will NOT do to flunk out of college my senior year.
  6. Save save SAVE money.
  7. As Bridget Jones said: "Resolution number one: Obviously will lose twenty pounds. Number two: Equally important, will find sensible boyfriend to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts."
  8. I will start killing Alliance members instead of running away like a scared little girl, or letting them kill me. In fact, I will actively work on my PVP skills. (I'm a total World of Warcraft nerd).
 Okay, that's it for now. As you can see, 30s, we are all about positive changes. We are going to make this work. We can rock this. You and me, babe. We are going to make sweet, sweet love.

Love and kisses,


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